Because I’m at least mildly crazy, and at times certainly lazy – the post you’re getting today is a special gift from me to you.
Here’s the entire (it’s like… 2500 words) raw, hardly edited chapter I wrote about networking for my upcoming book. I considered only giving you part of it, and editing it – but it works as a complete piece and those of you who buy the book are going to get better, more fully fleshed out content anyway (and commentary from industry veterans).
So enjoy and I hope, even if you don’t buy the book – that you get something out of this one.
But if you want to buy the book, here’s the link again. It’s $10. As a pre-order you’ll get early access on March 19th.
Have you ever had a girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other, close personal friend, or close internet confidant?
Then pick your chin up and read the rest of this chapter, because I have good news for you. You’re 100% capable of succeeding at networking.
Your Horrific Mental Image
If you’re remotely introverted, nerdy, or otherwise self-conscious, then you are probably somehow revolted by the term “networking”. Considering the demographics of game audio – that’s at least 90% of you.
When you – that 90% – think of “networking”, you think of getting in a room with a bunch of people that you may or may not know and commencing idle chit-chat. Eventually this chit-chat gives way to some kind of formal presentation, and then there’s some more chit-chat afterwards.
It’s usually these chit-chat stages that make you the most uncomfortable. You don’t know what to say, who to talk to, how to do this, or what to do with your hands besides grab your phone. Sometimes you might find a friend and try to butt into a conversation, or stand and listen to something mildly interesting you overhear, but under no circumstances (unless you’re feeling super bold) do you introduce yourself to anyone. If you did that, you’d have to keep up a conversation with a stranger – which you don’t know how to do.
Sounds 110% awful and awkward, doesn’t it?
Thank God this isn’t how networking actually works.
(“Oh good, it’s not?!?” you think… OF COURSE NOT! Are you actually landing awesome opportunities with this strategy??? No, no you’re not.)
If this picture sounds even vaguely familiar, don’t worry – there’s hope for you yet.
The Most Important Thing You Can Do
Networking, as you currently don’t know it, is one of the two most important things you can do for your career. I’m not going to rank them, personally, but it can probably be argued that networking is even more important than building skills. You can build incredible skills all day long, but if nobody is aware that you have them – they probably won’t get you anywhere. Since you’re so good at the skills building, you really need to focus on building your network at least as much.
Meanwhile, if you know how to create strong relationships with people – you can get places even when you don’t have the proper skills set. I probably don’t need to tell you that life isn’t a 100% perfect meritocracy, but I’ll take this moment to remind you. LIFE IS NOT A PERFECT MERITOCRACY. There simply are people who get ahead because of who they know. Luckily, we can give some of that magic dust to you.
Reframing
For a minute, do a quick mental exercise. Take the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about “networking” and just erase it from your brain for a minute. Think of nothing in its place, be open to a new interpretation.
Now think of your best friends. I don’t care if they’re not local to you or you made them over the internet. Think for a minute how they became your friends.
You might have shared some common interests, perhaps even more likely you shared a common location. But at some point you both did something mind blowing in order to become friends – you listened to your friend, cared about, invested, and found common ground with them. As soon as you found the thing, whatever it was, that caused you to go “ok, YOU are worth my time” it was on, right?
My friend, you’ve found the crux of networking. It’s simply building solid relationships over time, and that means giving a shit about other people first.
See what I mean? I know you can do this, because you’ve already done it before.
(If you’re the person reading this with only internet friends and think you can’t do this in real life – you’re wrong on two accounts. First, I’m 100% sure you’ve connected with another human before. Second, humans were literally built for connection – that pain and stress you’re feeling? It’s quite possible that you’re simply yearning for connection to others.)
How You Fail
But “networking” isn’t as easy as making friends, right? Some people actually suck and you don’t get along with them. Plus, business is different – there’s reputations and egos at stake. So it can’t be just as simple as hanging out with people, can it?
Well, yes and no.
It isn’t always as simple as making friends, simply because there’s also business involved. That being said, there isn’t really any reason why it can’t be as simple, especially in the beginning.
So what over-complicates this process? What causes it to be simultaneously so uncomfortable and unsuccessful?
Well… it’s you.
Usually when people first get up the nerve to go to networking meetups it isn’t just to learn something cool or meet people and get to know a new crowd.
There’s an agenda.
In your case – if you’re going to an audio or game industry meetup/conference for the first time, you’re probably looking for job leads. You’re ready and raring to hand out business cards, “sell yourself” and find points in the conversation to talk about what you do and hopefully impress someone enough to give you a job.
This also makes you an insufferable human and horrible to have a conversation with. Because you have an angle, everyone can sniff it out from the far side of the room. You’re already awkward in social situations, but your agenda makes it stink for you and everyone involved.
Lame, right? Nobody wants to do that!
The Process of Success
Here’s what nobody tells you. “networking” is a long term game. Occasionally you can meet someone you just hit it off with, there’s a magical situation, and suddenly you’re thrust into a spot you’ve waited your whole life for. But that’s not how it usually works.
Those best friends of yours, they’re probably friendships forged over years and countless shenanigans.
It’s similar with building solid industry-related relationships. It takes time.
Let’s to another mental exercise. Go back to that situation where you were thinking about what “networking” means. Imagine this…
You walk into a room full of people you don’t know, or maybe you know one or two people. You acknowledge the people you know and either wave, nod, or say hi quickly. Then you scan the room and find something or someone vaguely interesting. Maybe you notice someone with a rad haircut, or a sharp outfit, or a band/game shirt you like. Maybe you overhear another conversation about something you’re interested in too.
Perhaps you see someone just as alone and awkward as you feel!
Then you walk up to one of those people and say “Hey! Sorry to interrupt you but I just wanted to say you have an awesome haircut/outfit/shirt/etc!” After receiving your awkward, startled “thank you” in response, you reply back with “My name is <your name>, I’m new here.” you extend your hand for a handshake and continue “How long have you cut it that way?/Where did you get your jacket?/How did you get into the band?”
Just like that, you’re off to the races.
Your goal from this point is to do three things – listen diligently to each response, keep asking them questions (while still listening), and talk as little about yourself as possible. If you do this long enough, eventually they’ll butt in and ask about you.
The longest you have to work to keep this process up is usually only 2-3 questions. It won’t be too long before you hit something you’re really interested to hear about, and they have a story about. You get bonus points for keeping the topic away from work for as long as possible – you’ll both get there too, don’t worry.
You get super extra bonus points if you find the other awkward human in the room and break the ice. This person will love you forever, and it’s usually not difficult to make this conversation happen. Let me give you an example…
You walk up to them and (inevitably) catch them off guard with a “Hey! I don’t think we’ve met before, I’m <your name>, nice to meet you!” and that nice firm handshake of yours. Follow that up with something like “Have you been here before?” or “How did you find out about this meetup?”. These things are super easy to keep rolling. If they are new, you can jump in with an “Me too! Between you and me, the room is a little intimidating, isn’t it?” or “Well it’s awesome you’re here, I’ve only been a few times myself. Between you and me, I found the room a bit intimidating when I first showed up.”
Continue the process, again, by asking more questions about them and staying interested. “So what do you do?”, “What got you interested in coming out?”, etc.
Your goal here is very, very simple – find some common ground and explore it.
You might not think you have common ground to find with most people, especially if you’re an introvert, but believe me that you definitely do. You can be the complete opposite of someone you meet in the room – and I bet you can still find common ground if you work hard enough.
Remember, everyone in the room is simply another freaked out human just like you. Most of us start at the same place, whether we admit it or not.
Once you’ve gotten used to breaking the ice with a few people, you’ll find it’s a lot easier than you originally made it out to be in your head. Your next trick is to keep this up, time after time that you go out (I’m talking years here) until you know as many heads in the room as possible, as well as possible.
Getting to Business
Eventually, these relationships will need to turn towards business. As much as we’re all about making friends, once you’re an established entity the last thing you want to do is to continue to show up and rehash the same conversations over and over without anything to show for it.
So how does this transition happen, because isn’t it awkward to open up with “Do you know anyone hiring right now?”
(It is, trust me.)
Just as before, this all starts with caring for the other party first. You’ll notice in relationships that this is a theme that rarely breaks. It may sound cliche that it’s better to give than to receive – but it’s 100% true. It’s also true that you receive the best things by giving first.
This caring and giving can show up in a variety of different ways, so it’s difficult to describe how to successfully do it. You’ll know it when you’re capable of providing someone assistance (and you won’t always be able to). Sometimes it’s simply lending an ear and listening, sometimes you’ll have a resource that you can give (sounds, articles, books, videos, etc.), sometimes you’ll be able to make a connection between multiple people or help get someone a job opportunity – you just never know.
But this is where it starts, with conversation and curiosity about others which turns into assisting and giving to them as well.
Once you become an asset to others, you open up a pretty wild feedback loop. Think about this – if someone gives you an unconditional gift (ie: buys a meal for you), you immediately want to repay the favor, right? You also want to provide them something of comparable value, if possible.
So what if you give, and you give, and you give, without concerning yourself about what or when you’ll get something in return (other than having confidence that you will get something)? If you get creative, and keep this feedback loop open or simply creating a ping-pong between you and the other party – you’ll be really surprised at how well it builds rapport and opportunities.
That being said – you have to actually do this unconditionally. If you give with the expectation of getting something back, people can sniff that out from miles away and the relationship will end quietly and quickly. I’ll point out, having confidence that you’ll probably get something in return is different – you can be wrong, and shouldn’t be let down in that case because altruism is an end in itself.
So give, and give a lot – always without a catch. Just be awesome, and help others a lot, okay?
Additionally to that, be clear in your conversations about who you are and what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for employment – tell people that! Don’t beg people for a job, but note what you do and feel free to say “yes, I’m looking for work.” Even better is working on your skills on your own in the meantime and adding “But while I’m hunting I’ve been working on <your project>, it’s pretty awesome I think!” to that conversation.
Combine the giving and clarity about who you are and you begin to open up other opportunities for people to help you. If you continue this as much as possible – introducing your network to others, and regularly getting introduced to new people – you’ll consistently make connections and open up a wide range of opportunities that you would not have known existed otherwise. Of course, if those opportunities don’t fit you – figure out who they do fit and pass them on!
Taking Advantage of Leverage
Eventually, if all goes well, you’ll find your spot where you get a shot at a gig or another amazing opportunity. At this point, you have one job.
Be awesome. As I’ll explain later – you need to bring the thunder (bring your absolute best).
At this point, not only is your reputation on the line – but so is the individual who helped you land the opportunity as well. If you can make all parties in the situation successful, you become an asset to everyone involved and everyone wins. Your initial contact looks more trustworthy, you gain a great opportunity, and you build even more relationships.
You should view this as a situation in which you give yourself no option to fail. The only way failure is allowable is if it’s out of your control – if it’s just a bad situation where you’re essentially setup to fail. Even in that scenario, don’t go around blaming anyone. If it’s a bad situation, simply call it a bad situation, apologize for anything in which you failed, and do your best to get everyone (including your connection and yourself) out unscathed. Keep in mind that if everything blows up – even if it’s nobody’s fault – you likely won’t get a second chance with either the opportunity you get or your initial connection. Relationships are both fragile and fickle, and the best thing you can do is respect them as much as possible.
But otherwise, all things being normal, bust your ass and make awesome things happen – everyone will win from it.
Rinse, Repeat
I know this is a lot to take in, but if you gather your thoughts and make some notes I hope you’ll find that it’s relatively straightforward.
Go out and meet people, make them the center of attention and pay close attention and care about others. Give, don’t expect anything in return, and you’ll probably get it regardless. When you do and a great opportunity arises, completely crush it and give thanks to everyone who opened the door for you.
Then go repeat the process, over and over, and never stop. Open up opportunities for others regularly, and keep your eyes open for your own.
I told you before, and I’ll say it again – you can do this, and I can’t wait to see and hear about exactly what opens up for you.
Copyright 2016-2021, NIR LLC, all rights reserved.