You must not be afraid to be yourself, and seize a moment.
This is a lesson I’ve learned countless times – but it bears repeating and I was reminded of it very clearly this weekend. For those of you struggling with “how to stand out” – this one is for you.
A Story
This past Sunday I found myself at the Seattle Indies holiday party at the behest of my uber suave Indian-by-Canada friend Akash.
Usually I love being at things like this. Compared to most people in Seattle and the “game industry scene” I’m quite the extrovert. But, for whatever reason – I found most of the evening exhausting. I’m not sure if it was making introductions with so many new people, the tremendous amount of people in the room, or what.
But, at one point, I was ready to skip out pretty early. I didn’t feel like I was going to get my energy back, and I hadn’t met anyone new that I really connected with.
That changed in nearly an instant when I met Auston and Diana.
What they did that night was absolutely 100% unplanned. It was also a master’s level education in uniqueness, positioning, and garnering instant attention and likability.
You know – the things that make life easy street for you to get what you want (a job, money, great career, etc.)
Our interaction was maybe 10 minutes, at best – but it left such an impression with me that I had to share it with you, and quite frankly I’m very much looking forward to whenever I can get to know them better.
That’s what you want – right? Just quickly introduce yourself to someone, and leave them wanting to get back in touch later.
The story goes like this:
Auston and Diana broke into a circle I was chatting in to say hi to a friend of theirs. It broke up a conversation (this is totally normal, wasn’t frowned upon), and once they said hi – the rest of us got introduced.
Immediately after introductions, Auston apologized and said he was losing his voice and really shouldn’t speak. I took the opportunity to be a bit ridiculous and funny – making jokes about how he’s a part-time mime and how everyone should’ve known that anyway (in all honesty – I just wanted to help save his voice and also have some fun with friends).
We joked like this for a minute – saying Auston could only answer yes or no questions. He would nod his head “yes” or shake it “no” at various things, and we had a good laugh at how hard it was to have any engaging conversation with someone who could only answer yes or no.
That’s when the magic happened – Diana jumped in.
On impulse, she took the position of translator for Auston. Imagine you’re watching a sports event (or any show) where someone who isn’t a native English (or whatever language) speaker is getting interviewed. The translator game is played where an interviewer asks a question, the translator translates to the interviewee, and back again for the response.
Diana took the role of the translator – and she was 100% deadpan serious about it, in a completely hilarious way.
Within minutes I knew exactly what Auston does, what interesting projects he’s working on, what they’ve both done previously, and just a bit about what they’re working on and proud of now. All with silly banter and interplay back and forth between the two of them – Auston was making faces and hand gestures to help make sure the facts were as close to 100% correct as possible, Diana was fudging where humor allowed.
The humor in it was “Muppet Show” worthy between the interplay of all parties involved – and while it was entertaining, it was also informative.
By the end of it – I joked that I never ever wanted to hear Auston’s voice. I was partially serious – Diana was such a great speaker in the situation, he hardly needed to speak for himself.
They left such an impression in regards to entertainment, information, and charisma – that I immediately remembered their names and wanted to make sure to catch up with them another time. I need nothing from them – I just want to be entertained and learn again!
The Lesson
There’s such a stock formula to networking events that people will cut me off to complain before I even start talking about them.
“Ugh yeah I hate the ‘so what do you do’? conversation dance you have to do…”
“I’m really bad at knowing what to say – it’s like once I know where someone works, what… what do we even have in common?”
“People are always just coming to talk to me to try and look for work – I don’t have anything for them!”
You go to a thing, you have an awkward conversation, perhaps awkwardly exchange a business card.
Nothing happens.
Repeat.
For a long time.
How do you stop that?
Be yourself and have a personality.
That’s exactly what Auston and Diana did. They’re goofy, charming, clearly intelligent, capable, and interesting. Maybe what they’re doing is super intriguing to me, maybe not – but those 10 minutes we had were memorable simply because they were who they are and didn’t clam up when a moment to have fun presented itself.
You don’t need to be quick witted (I’m not).
You don’t need to be the most funny, or the smartest person in the room (I’m not those either).
You should be simultaneously interesting and interested.
What does that mean?
If the most interesting thing you have to share with people about yourself and what you do is the last YouTube rabbit hole you went down or the most recent Netflix series you’ve binged – that’s not interesting. Yes – you can totally bond with people over what you watch – but if that’s all that you’ve got, you’re going to just end up in conversations where you’re complaining about the merits of someone else’s creativity.
Instead, think about what you are doing.
“Well… I’m not doing much of anything Adam.”
So change that!
To you – learning something new may be mundane or boring sounding. “I’m learning how to use Wwise! Only nerds care about that!” you think – but if you play and find things that are truly amazing to you, you’ll drag someone deep into conversation extremely quickly.
And if you’re pushing the creative boundaries of your industry – even better – people won’t be able to take their eyes away from what you’re sharing.
The absolute best thing you can do though, is to not be afraid of who you are. If you’re silly, a klutz, forgetful, say dumb things, are obnoxious and loud, whatever – embrace it and make it endearing.
A student of mine once told me –
“At first, I thought you were a dick – but… you turned out alright.”
Whenever I share that with anyone, they laugh. That’s because it’s unexpected, and (at least partially) true. I am fairly abrasive, so it’s an honest assessment. I don’t mind pushing people’s buttons or boundaries because I want them to improve. I want you to be the best version of yourself.
But initially? I often come across as rude.
I know that, I accept it, and I laugh at myself for it. If it did serious damage I would likely try and change that. But, for the most part, it doesn’t.
So instead my abrasiveness turns into my “business card” so-to-speak. People very much remember me for it.
So – what do your best friends know you for – and why do some of your industry peers not know you for the best parts of those things?
In addition to all of this noise about your personality – you need to be invested even more in that of others.
When you’re interested in someone else, they’ll become more interested in you – I swear it’s like a magic trick.
If you can work on these things together, I promise you’ll make tremendous strides in getting where you want to go. Don’t worry about being perfect, or the best, nearly as often as you do – worry instead about being more yourself and the absolute best version of yourself you can be.
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