Growing up, myself and everyone around me was asked the same question –
“What do you want to be when you grow up?!”
We all answered with superhero-esque answers. Doctor, Nurse, Firefighter, Astronaut.
Then, we went off to school and the same question appeared in a different format –
“What do you want to major in?”
This time, lots of us had no answers. We committed to something because family wanted us to. Perhaps we convinced our family to sign off on a music, theatre, or sound design degree because it would satisfy the piece of paper and sense of security they wanted while pushing towards the interests you had.
Regardless, eventually the biggest question of your 20’s shows up –
“What do you want to do for a living/with the rest of your life?”
If the question about school and major hadn’t gotten you – somewhere in the 90%+ range is royally screwed here.
Usually, if hardship hadn’t it you yet – this is the moment it’s most likely to.
It’s why jokes about mom & dad’s basement exist – because there’s some truth in it.
It’s why some people nearing or just out of school age are panicked out of their minds.
Because you feel like you need the answer to this question.
Life, Thus Far
This is going to resonate with some of you – and the rest of you are probably going to hate it because I’m not going to provide any “solution” at the end to magically get you out of your rut if you’re in one.
But here’s a story regardless.
When I finished my college education (after nearly failing out and then getting a degree that doesn’t mean anything) I moved to Los Angeles for a year. It was a bad decision. I learned a lot from that bad decision.
Most importantly, I never found a job and I was forced to move home to no job, no debt, no friends, and an empty home to come back to. Literally – the house was empty, nobody to greet me and tell me ‘it’ll be okay!’.
(I guess that’s a running theme for me)
For a long while, I was lost. Completely.
I was the example of the joke that was, at that time, still a joke – college educated and living in my family’s basement (if they’d had one).
I wasn’t panicked. I was hopeless. I was shot, devastated, and had no direction to turn to improve things.
If I hadn’t already dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts, I’m sure I would have.
At best, I felt like a complete failure – because I was!
But, as you probably know, that’s not where my story ends.
Chapters
You’re asked that question – “What do you want to do for a living?” – more than you’re anticipated.
My point of this whole thing is it’s a question that’s often asked at youth and never really goes away.
If you’re telling yourself
“If only I could get a job in games…”
“If only I could put all my education to use…”
“If only I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do for a living…”
that all of your problems would be solved – you’re believing a lie.
It might be surprising to hear – but it’s true.
Because, hopefully, at some point you actually do get that job and get to live your dream. Then you find out, well, it’s still kinda work. You’re certainly fortunate to have the gig you wanted, but there are still parts that suck about it.
Then, there’s a large possibility, one day tragedy happens. Assuming you’re full time – your studio shuts down, you’re let go in a downsizing, you’re put in an ethical dilemma and you have to get out and quit.
Except you’re much further down the road this time. Maybe you’ve got a house and kids. At minimum, you simply have more responsibilities and expenses than you used to when you first broke in.
But that old question pops up again. This time it looks like –
“What do I do now…?”
Write it Yourself
I don’t know how to write this conundrum in a way that isn’t super depressing – my apologies.
But I do have one strategy to get past this crushing feeling of needing vocational purpose:
You’re a storyteller.
You see – when I got home after my year in Los Angeles – it was the end of the 2nd act of a story arc for me. I kept my wits, and I found my first job in entertainment.
With that, the story of that portion of my life was done. I probably started a new book when I moved to Seattle. I feel like I started another new book when I got married, or moved into games.
My tale, no matter what way I cut it, involves storytelling and constant reinvention.
I weave the same verbal web any time anyone interviews me for a job these days –
“I’m confident I’m well-suited for this position because I can quite literally handle anything you put in front of me.”
This sounds like something a recent college graduate would say. I can do anything boss! Just put it in front of me!!!
But then I have to explain myself –
“I believe my resume backs that, and I’m happy to answer any question you have to ask me.”
The only reason – the only reason I can say that is because I’m well versed in making lemonade out of lemons.
I’ve made stupid decisions.
I’ve had lots of bad luck.
I’ve had no idea what I’ll do with my life.
I’ve had no hope.
But I also wasn’t done telling my whole story. Maybe I was done with a chapter, or a section, and it was time to move on and do something a little different. Maybe it was time to find a new challenge, do something nobody else wants to or believes they can do. Maybe I just needed a new road to travel – and each one I walked I learned a lot.
But the key point is – I wasn’t done yet, and maybe I had no idea what was next.
For You
If you find yourself stuck, here’s the point for you – if you do your best to keep your head up, it won’t stay this way.
When you least expect it, in the last place you’d ever look, perhaps with the last thing you’d ever want to do – you’ll find an avenue to keep writing your story.
Instead of trying to answer the question –
“What do I want to do with the rest of my life?”
Perhaps the better question is
“What am I going to do for now, right now?”
I find that way – I’m never really lost. I just find myself on a new, unexpected adventure.
And, as a dear friend of mine once said… so long as you yell “ADVENTURE!!!” loudly – you’re never really lost anyway.
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