“So uh… whaddya say huh? Wanna come back to *wink wink* my place? I could show you my goods – they’re super awesome and you’ll love ’em.”
Read that in the sleaziest, creepiest voice imaginable in your head.
Gross, right?
Now add this –
“Yeah sweet thang! You’ll see my demo reeeeel, my game jaaaams, my website, my business card – heck, I’ll even let you give me feedback on my demo reel!
Just let me know when you wanna do this – I’ll be sittin’ over there… staring at you… awkwardly.”
That’s what you sound like when you’re going out to meet industry colleagues with the main intent to get a job.
(Yes, it’s a gross – literally and figuratively – exaggeration, but I hope you hear me)
And don’t worry, my past is full of this. I’m crazy guilty and stupid. It’s not unfixable and you’re not permanently broken.
Slow Down
I use that graphic illustration above to make a simple point – relationships are a long-term game.
If you’re networking and going to meetups with the primary intent to find a job, you’re going to come off like a bad, sleazy pickup artist that nobody wants to get anywhere close to.
Which consequently, might answer some things for some of you.
(If you’re reading this thinking “Oh no! Am I that person?!?!” You’re probably not.)
As kids – we all made friends via relatively trivial things like proximity, age, and the limited number of things a kid is interested in.
As adults – we still make friends via relatively trivial things like proximity, age, and interests… but we also have a lot of emotional baggage and some level of mistrust of others. Why and how aside – it just… is what it is for each of us.
When you add on the “I’m looking for work” part of this equation – it’s easy to see why someone would be afraid of being used as a stepping stone.
The antidote to this is slowing down.
Here’s a near-fact – when you don’t know anyone in the industry, it would be extremely difficult to get a job quickly unless you’re God’s gift to audio. You’d literally have to be a hot prodigy that everyone fell in love with immediately – it happens, but not often.
For all the rest of us losers (me included), it takes time. You should have the expectation of spending years getting to know people, being around, and improving your craft on the side while availing yourself for opportunities. Now, spending years is unlikely to happen – but with that expectation, you’re generally better set up for success.
Why?
Because at the core of slowing down and placing your expectations of success further out is caring primarily for others.
That’s the winning formula.
Show up, don’t ask for anything, and be interested in other people first.
You become great friends with someone when you’re more interested in them than you are yourself or what comes out of your mouth. You might share interests and opinions – but you want to hear that from another person when you’re friends. You’ll shut your mouth, give them the time of day, and listen intently.
A major part of life success is learning the ability to do this over, and over, and over, and over until you build a wide net of friends. Someone will begin as an acquaintance, move to a closer friend, and then they’ll trust you.
Once you’ve established trust – that’s near sacred. That’s when someone will vouch for you, and finding opportunities will get way easier.
So don’t be the sleazy, creepy pickup artist.
Keep your business card in your pocket until the end, ask a bunch of questions, and find other people fascinating.
You’ll go far, and enjoy things a lot more – I promise.
Copyright 2016-2021, NIR LLC, all rights reserved.