I once worked as an architect’s consultant. I designed large scale AV and technology systems, working with big companies like Nike, Holland America, Amazon, and a number of universities.
It was in this career path that a phrase was coined about me that I often use in jest –
“I’m really good at acting like I know what I’m talking about.”
What makes jokes like this funny is that there’s usually a grain of truth even to the most absurd. The thing about this phrase is that it is, in fact, wholly true. I am actually really good at acting and speaking in such a way (in person) where you’ll believe that I have deep subject matter knowledge, even if I don’t.
I did graduate college with a major in theatre, after all. I suppose I took “All the world’s a stage” to heart.
What’s incredible about this phrase, though, is just how often this skill comes in handy for me.
In the context where it was coined – I was giving presentations in an attempt to sell potential clients on the value of my company’s services. On one hand, I’d had a few years experience in designing the systems we were selling. On the other hand, I’d only joined that company a few weeks before I started these presentations and had never worked on a single job I was presenting about.
But, my employer was so impressed that they kept me doing these presentations. I became a really valuable part of the company, very quickly.
I’ve also been in a number of spots in my career where I was asked to do something I hadn’t ever done before. Most freelancers who’ve been working for at least a few years know that you inevitably run into this kind of situation. Lots of us lie through our teeth and say “Oh yeah! I can totally do that, no problem!”
It’s not “really” a lie, because we’re not saying we’ve done it before – but it certianly feels like one as we go scramble to try and figure out how to actually do the job we just signed up for.
But, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been put in this sort of situation and then crammed video lessons and equipment manuals into my brain as if I was trying to pass a final exam. In all honesty – not once has this strategy backfired on me. In fact, it propelled my career more than hindered it.
Mentally and emotionally speaking, however, I can’t say the same.
I’ve done this enough recently that I had a dear old friend sneak up on me when I least expected it. You’ve probably met my friend – impostor syndrome
Faking it
A lot of us are given the advice “fake it ’till you make it” at some point in our lives. This phrase is interpreted wildly differently based on the context and individual’s interpretations.
The most common interpretation of “fake it ’till you make it” seems to be something like “pretend you know what you’re doing and hope/pray nobody notices”
The assumption is that if the pretending can occur for long enough that you’ll eventually gain competency and perhaps mastery just through sheer time and effort.
To put it nicely from personal experience – I think this is bullshit. Note that I’m not saying I haven’t done that. I’m saying that this effectively means that you’re lying to others and to yourself in an effort to gain competency and mastery – making a bet that it works out for you over time.
Certainly dumb things like this happen, and people do fail upward – but it’s ridiculous to bet on that and downright impossible to live in such a way that you wouldn’t die of stress over it.
And this is where we run headlong into impostor syndrome. Because there are those of us who are actually impostors, alongside those who aren’t, but simply don’t have enough context to know the truth.
And, my friend, that’s not a bad thing!
Because I believe that this lurking stress of whether you’re “good enough” or not, or whether you’re “doing the right thing” or “making the right/good decisions” is actually a guidepost for you.
Which means that the above interpretation of “fake it ’till you make it” is actually wrong, as well.
Situational awareness
As you age and grow in your life and career, you’re inevitably going to be put in new situations. You could go from single, to dating, to married, to having a child. You could go from unemployed, to employed, to management and/or project lead. You could simply decide to learn new skills and change careers.
Every single one of these situations puts you at risk for confronting impostor syndrome. And, if you’ve never encountered the situation before and haven’t trained in advance – what do you think you’ll be tempted to do? “Fake it ’till you make it” – that’s right!
This is where I’ve been the last few months personally. I’ve taken on a number of new situations and new roles. I was forced – very quickly – to adapt and re-prioritize myself.
Initially, I thought I was doing great. I thought I had it all together. I thought I knew exactly what I was doing.
I didn’t. But I also didn’t have any prior way to prepare for the challenges ahead, and I often swim best by just being shoved straight into the deep end of the pool.
Is that fun? No. But… it happens to be the way that I work.
So a it struck me funny a few days ago when I realized that – because I was unprepared – I’ve been faking it. I’ve been doing the best that I can, but I’ve also been making it up as I go along. I’ve been pretending that I’m confident, that I know what I’m doing, and that I know that it’s all going to turn out well.
But none of it was entirely real. And, as we just discussed, when you fake it like that – the road to success is nigh impossible. To say that I’ve been stressed out over it is probably a mild understatement.
So what’s one to do outside of collapsing in a self-pity party pile? (I don’t know about you – but that’s my first instinct)
Escape
My solution to impostor syndrome is actually fairly simple – it’s all in seeking truth.
Ask yourself some questions:
- “Do I need some help, or guidance?”
- “If I had to put it to words – what am I actually worried/nervous about?”
- “Is what I put to words actually real?”
- “Has what I’m fearing ever come to pass for me before?”
- “How often does what I’m fearing actually come to pass for others like me?”
These questions aid me to find realism in my worst mental situations. Usually I find out something like:
“Yes, I need help.
I don’t feel great at making some of these decisions, and I’m not very confident. I’m not sure how to attain the confidence I desire, and I’m sure a large part of it is the need for more experience.
I’m worried that people will judge me, or hate me. I’m worried that their judgement will affect me, and that it will negatively impact my life or career. That being said, most people are more absorbed in themselves than what I’m doing.
I’ve certainly never been fired or demoted for being bad – and I’d probably quit from the stress before that happened. Judgement is definitely a normal, human thing… but nobody ever died of it.
In fact, if I asked for help, people would probably respect me more and this would all get easier. Few who geniunely reach out for aid get yelled at for it – and if that were to happen, I’d immediately leave anyway.”
And honestly, sometimes it’s not even that detailed. Instead it may look simple, like:
“Yeah, I totally don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve got what… two days? Then I need to buckle down and practice this right now.”
There’s a third situation too that looks like:
“You know, I don’t think I’m the right person for this right now. Let me suggest a few other people.”
All of the above situations require some radical, sometimes brutal honesty to yourself. More often than not, that third situation doesn’t arise and you can either walk yourself through your irrational fears and seek assistance, or you can just buckle down and do the hard thing that needs to get done.
Regardless of the outcome – none of this is actually easy. It may not be difficult to put words to your feelings (though, it can be), but it is certainly difficult to act on what you learn. However, if you do, you’ll definitely grow and become more comfortable nearly instantly – you might just have to work through the difficulty first.
Summing it up
Let’s recap:
- For as long as you live, grow, and strive to get better – you’re liable to run into impostor syndrome. I just did, and it surprised me!
- “Fake it ’till you make it” – in the sense of lying and pretending, even to yourself – is not a sustainable strategy for getting yourself out of impostor syndrome.
- Taking a minute to honestly assess your situation. This will clarify if you need help, you need to get to work, or you need to walk away from a bad situation.
In all of this – be encouraged. Nobody ever feels confident and self-assured all the time. If you feel lost, like a fake, or like you’ve got a lot to learn – that’s a good thing!
Some of the most difficult situations we encounter are simultaneously the best for our personal growth.
If you’re feeling down and out – I believe you can get through it too. I bet you’re like me – you’re actually a whole lot stronger than you think.
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