When You Stop Being Average

I know very few people who don’t dream of doing bigger, better things than they’re currently doing. This goes for those of you who are students, or have normal careers, or even work on the biggest games in the industry.

Most people don’t talk about those dreams, for various reasons. One being fear of embarrassment or shame – you don’t want to look dumb in front of your peers.

So it holds you back. You come home, and turn on Netflix again. You go back to dreaming of doing the thing in your mind, and waiting for permission to go do it – from whom, who knows.

But what does it look like to step out? What does it look like to actually not be average – specifically above average (we know what below average looks like, right?)

Is it actually that uncomfortable?

Becoming Weird

Here’s the ironic thing – to become “the best” or “above average”, that literally means that you cannot be average.

I’ll spell out what that means:

You probably don’t spend your time doing the same things everyone else does
You don’t necessarily enjoy the same things others do
You can actively, politely, disagree with others
You have your own thought process and experiences
You may not shout them rudely, but you have your own opinions and sometimes you share them

All of the above means that you’ll make some people uncomfortable. That means some confrontation and disagreements. You’ll also gain admiration from some, and envy from others. You will stand out, simply by the fact that you’re different.

Here’s what I find most hilarious…

When I was growing up, being a nerd wasn’t cool. I’m not exactly sure what grade school is like these days, but nobody was even thinking about “Ready Player One”, “Scott Pilgrim vs The World”, or comic books as big screen entertainment properties at the time. If you admitted you watched Power Rangers, you were for sure made fun of at school.

So if you stepped out and dared to be different, you were a nerd. Nerds, of course, co-opted the derogatory terms and banded together. We all banded together so much that now PAX, San Diego Comic Con, and yes – “Ready Player One”, “Scott Pilgrim vs The World”, etc – are all huge deals.

The once-nerdy stuff becomes norm. For some of us, you’re right back where you used to be – just the norms are your comfort zone this time.

I don’t mean this to be a treatise on pop culture – and I hope you can read into that.

What if you want to create something that hasn’t been created?

What if you want to design sounds in a way that it isn’t normally done?

What if you want to share your knowledge, but you’re afraid?

What if you want to write a book, and individuals actively discourage you?

What if you want to speak, and you’re scared to death about how you’ll be received?

What if you want to create art that everyone tells you is a bad idea?

What if you want to pursue a creative career, and everyone tells you it’s a bad idea?

I’m sure you’ve got your own version of one of these questions, and something holds you back.

Stepping Out

I’ve written this before, and I will say it continually – I have no desire for an “average” life or career. I can write that, no problem, but in reality that means there’s a lot of consequences I’m responsible for.

If I’m unwilling to commute to a 9-5 job at any point, I am responsible for replacing the income from a “normal” career. That also includes replacing family-expected retirement plans, insurance, etc. That means learning and understanding how business works, how to properly do accounting and handle small business finances.

If I want to do unusual things like speak at conferences or write a book – I must be willing to put myself and my work out there. I must stand behind my words. I must handle criticism. I also have to share myself, market myself, and be cognizant of everything I do and say – it can be followed (to good or bad ends) or criticized.

I also lose connection with regular people, to an extent. For example – I’m awful at holding conversations about pop culture. I don’t know any musical act that plays at any major music festival, and that’s not because I’m not a teenager. I’ve never seen a single episode of “Game of Thrones”. I don’t watch award shows. I have no idea what the latest, biggest Netflix show is.

I can no longer ask just anyone for advice any more. Everyone I get real advice from has to go through some vetting process in my head. Most people give horrible advice, and not because they’re trying to – most people just don’t know any more than they know. Most people stopped working to learn a lot after they got out of school. Most people, I find, are the best people to learn how to not do things from.

The Benefits

At this point you’re wondering “so… if I pursue my dreams, life shuns me?”

Not exactly, but there is a life you’re used to that you’ll be leaving behind.

I’ve replaced all of those things I mentioned above with the things that matter most to me.

I’ve found a job I love, and colleagues I love to work with. I spend a lot of time reading, listening to audiobooks, and working on projects I enjoy that I can turn into useful resources for others. I hang out with my wife, enjoy her company, go out, and play games.

When I do all of this, on one hand – I get criticized. Most people don’t know or understand what I do for a living. My mother thought I didn’t have a real job until she came on a film set one day and “got it”. Even now (at the time of this writing I work with the company that makes Halo y’all) the only way she understands what I do is when I point out commercials for video games on TV.

I’ve been told that I shouldn’t write the books that I’ve written. I’ve been told I should release my material for free, and not charge. I’ve been told that its pointless to release my software products, they’ll never make money. The list goes on.

But for all of those, I’ve also found bonds with people I never would’ve expected.

Yesterday, someone messaged me out of the blue telling me that my new book has been incredibly helpful to them personally – it gave them permission to quit having unreasonable expectations for themselves.

I nearly helped another friend land a job, when they initially thought they couldn’t handle the interview.

Friends have bought my book without talking to me about it, just to silently give me support.

A large number of people have emailed, texted, DMed, or whatever else expressing “thank you for writing and making X, that’s exactly what I needed.”

I’m regularly getting opportunities to work with people and do neat things that I never imagined I would have before.

It’s always unreal to me, because I may write online, have a neat job, or whatever – but I’m still just a nerdy dude. Inwardly, I feel exactly like everyone else. Outwardly, I do my best to bust my ass and avail myself to things that most people just don’t get the opportunities for.

The Best Part

Inside, you’re hiding something you’re afraid to express. No – I’m not really talking about your sexuality, religious beliefs, or politics. I’m talking about your dreams and what you long for creatively. You may be an author, or musician, or speaker, or chef, or whatever.

But it’s not “acceptable” somewhere outside of you, so you hide it – you don’t indulge it.

The best part – if you do it – is that when you do, you become more yourself.

Screw criticism and praise equally. When you step out and do things other people deem odd, get jealous of you for, or are super thankful you’re doing – you simply sleep better at night. You feel more comfortable in your own skin.

That is priceless.

If you need permission, you’ve got mine.