Stability – adamtcroft.com

I’ve started opening up my Twitter to questions recently (as you see below), in the hopes that I can give my perspective on questions others struggle with.

Mitchel had a hell of a question this week – and I feel the need to expound on it beyond what Twitter affords me.

For how long do you feel like you've been stable? I read your journey which seemed extremely winding and you worked lots of different positions. How long have you been where you are now and how long do you feel like that's been stable?

— Mitchel Wong ? (@pengwndude) April 3, 2018

What is Stability?

I’ve come to realize that most people aren’t like me. Most people have large aspirations but never really intend to execute.

That’s fine, I’m not judging. There was a point in my life I was that way too – I didn’t even realize it until later. Now, I’m just not that way.

Due to this, and the idea of a need for “safety” brought on by any number of factors (usually teaching in close relationships – parents, spouse, friends, etc.), most people feel like they need some sort of platform to stand on in order to live without stress.

Sometimes that means a paycheck they can depend on weekly. Sometimes that means the guarantee of a relationship where someone won’t leave you.

You have your own definition – I’m sure. At some point we can agree that most people simply don’t want their boat rocked if they can afford not to experience it.

Again, nothing wrong with that.

I, however, personally view that whole experience as a myth – which leads to personal stagnation.

I Don’t See Stability

Story time.

My father-in-law is an extremely smart man and runs a very tight ship. He graduated from school, moved to the northwest US on his own when offered a fantastic job, and had a successful career while raising kids and staying married for multiple decades. For all intents and purposes, my in-laws are super successful upper middle class Americans.

In contrast, my life and career has been literally the exact opposite of this. I successfully ran my own business for a number of years and freelanced – but wasn’t the most financially successful. Since becoming an employee (in around 2013) I’ve worked for 5 different companies in two different career paths. For the most part, none of that was my own fault (I never got fired, I only quit a good position once) – but it is what it is.

Any normal human being (ie: not me) would look at these two situations and pick the first one. Two reasons why would certainly be salary and “stability”. By no means is that a bad decision, but here’s where I get to start illustrating my point.

After over 3 decades of service to one company – my father-in-law was forced to choose between early retirement or moving. The company he (spoilers) worked for decided to move his position to another state, and he could either move or take a severance package early. If he had moved, he likely would’ve simply been training his eventual replacement anyway.

So a job and a paycheck he expected and depended upon was unexpectedly taken from him. It was a shock to the family, and it took a bit to make sure everything would be alright financially. He’s a smart man, so everything is fine – but he certainly didn’t see it coming nor did he really want to retire.

“But Adam, 3 decades is a long time… I’d consider that more than stable!”

Sure, but everyone’s view of this is different. I consider being laid off unexpectedly – in any form – to be a lack of stability. The family was certainly in a panic for a period of time, just because it was such a surprise.

I also believe that most people aren’t as financially responsible as my father-in-law. A large number of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, and can’t face a financial emergency greater than $1,000 without incurring more debt.

I’m not even considering the worst here…

What if you run into an unexpected illness, death, loss of property, etc? You can plan for horrible, sudden incidents all you want but insurance doesn’t cover everything and it certainly doesn’t heal mental wounds, right?

So what does stability even look like when any given day your worst fears imaginable could befall you?

I have no idea.

This is why I argue that there’s really no such thing as being stable.

How I Cope

I think it’s understandable – in the face of that reality – to be freaked out and panicked. It’s almost too easy to freak out and think

“Well in that case, why do anything if it’s all going to explode one day anyway?!”

I think the opposite.

The lack of stability is the reason why I get up every morning, do my best to enjoy the day, the people, and what I do.

It’s the reason I quit assuming I couldn’t reach my dreams and achieve my goals.

It’s the reason that even when I fail, I try again.

It’s also the same reason you and I probably won’t be close friends if you’re shocked that I don’t watch the latest shows (no, I’ve never seen Game of Thrones) or movies. I just don’t have much time that I feel like spending on “relaxing” (I also don’t consider TV relaxing…)

I want what I do to end up being a story I can forever share with others. I want to always be in a place to be helpful and provide value to you. I work to build a platform that takes care of my family and friends, and also teaches them and myself how to be more self-sustaining.

Because you don’t know when something crazy is going to happen – I don’t think it’s wise to expect others to bail you out. I don’t depend on companies, insurance, retirement, or simply someone’s word to take care of me.

Instead of reaching for that “stability”, you can seek out wisdom. Make mistakes and learn from them. Read, listen, and learn from the mistakes of others so that you don’t make them yourself. Grow in patience, and take calculated risks (not wild ones) that have a higher probability of success than failure. Learn how to take failure, learn from it, and turn it into success.

Then you never have to depend on anything or anyone else for stability. You have faith, depend on the best you can do right now, and always be building.