3 Career Lessons I Learned from my Father

19 years ago today, I lost my father to prostate cancer.

Despite only getting 13 years with him alive – I’m super fortunate to have had the opportunity to learn a lot from my father, both in life and death.

In fact, much of what I share with you often comes from lessons I originally learned from him.

Today – you get three of those lessons from me. I’m not kidding when I say these 3 things could be career and life changing, if you take them seriously.

People Matter

It sounds super weird to say out of context – but I hope my funeral is like my father’s was.

I very distinctly remember two moments that surprised me, and made me understand more deeply the kind of man he was.

The first was at the “viewing” – an open casket moment at the funeral home where family and friends can come say goodbye, pay their respects, and greet/mourn with the family. While that night was incredibly rough for me – I hardly spoke to anyone, nor did I want to – in the back of my mind I was flabbergasted at the line.

I knew my father had done some work in the community – a lot before I was truly of age to understand it – but I never realized the magnitude of it until that moment.

It took hours to get all the people through. The line went forever.

At the time, understandably, I wished things would hurry up and I just wanted to get out of there.

Today?

I’m literally writing to you in part so that I can touch that many hearts, and help that many people.

The moment at the “viewing” continued on at the actual funeral itself – which was held at our local church. This place was big – I don’t mean “I was little and so it seemed large” – I mean that it was an old church with traditional architecture, sweeping ceilings, and the sanctuary was just flat out big.

I very clearly remember turning around to look back, and I couldn’t see an empty seat in the house. I’m sure there were some – but regardless of the exact numbers, the place was packed.

That moment, in fact, was the first moment I remember my mood really turning positive after the whole ordeal. I chose to believe my father was in a better place, no longer suffering from cancer, and he had affected so many people in a few short decades on this planet.

I know what my father did for a living – he worked in public relations, and therefore connected with plenty of people. He also helped run and organize charity events in the community, he coached or assisted sports teams I played on, and he was an avid golfer.

He had a lot of opportunity to just connect with people.

I tell you over and over – solve people’s problems, provide value, build relationships, connect with others, etc.

This will serve you forever in your career – literally forever. Not only that, but by doing good work and caring about others – they’ll actually care about you back.

Most of you think the process to get work or attention requires screaming from the rafters on social media, attending conferences, handing out business cards, having so much knowledge that you can finally speak and not sound like an idiot, etc.

No – the process is this – make yourself capable of helping people, listen to them, be there for them, and help them.

I haven’t written over 200 posts because I want you to care about me. I’m probably a bit of a narcissist – but not that much of a narcissist. I started writing because it helped me, and now I keep writing because it helps you.

I get a hell of a lot more satisfaction from hearing other people’s stories than writing my own. I’ve had plenty of success – I’m excited about more – but hearing yours means the world to me.

It’s Okay to Spend on Value and Fun

Seeing as we just passed Black Friday here in the US, and it’s the holiday season – this lesson is fairly apt.

Humorously enough, even though they never met, my father and my wife are very similar in one way – they’re totally okay with spending money. If you’ve read my writing for any length of time, you’ll know I’ve always been a notorious penny pincher.

For years I was so broke that, once I got a little money, I felt bad even buying food – it felt like I was eating my money.

Just like a lot of you – I’d happily google “free Wwise course” or “free book or course on whatever thing I want to learn”. I’d download everyone’s free guides. I’d read blog posts, I’d consume podcasts and videos.

I’d never buy anything.

Then slowly, that started to change. I invested in my career a bit and took some courses, gained skills faster, and progressed in what I wanted to know. Now – if I want to learn something quickly – I really don’t hesitate to purchase a course and dive through it. The amount of time saved simply by having someone walk you through, step by step, even something you can find online completely free is 100% worth the money to me almost always.

To me, it seems pretty true that you’re either spending time, or you’re spending money. You just need to be wise about which you choose to spend at any given moment.

My dad, however, spent way differently than me. My wife takes after him in this sometimes – and I’ve had to begrudgingly learn as well.

It’s okay to spend on fun things.

Now, I don’t mean going out every weekend, amassing collections of useless stuff, binge or splurge buying just because, or whatever.

I mean spending on fun things that seriously matter.

My dad spent plenty on “toys” – sure – but he more effectively spent money on things that ended up causing us to spend time together. Various sporting goods, games, trips, and even vehicles. Yes, he once bought an old beater Jeep just to go “off-roading” with his young son (me) and his friends.

(I say “off-roading” in quotes because it was really more like driving on rough roads and bumping around than it was anything “extreme” – but for young me it was still incredibly fun)

I do this similarly with my wife – we’re season ticket holders at a local theatre because we enjoy that together. We saved up a lot of money and spent a week together in Maui for our 4th anniversary. We saved money and bought a nice little car with all the amenities she wanted. I bought myself a nice laptop last year, and I’ll probably get myself a dream guitar sometime next year.

I know I listed a considerable amount of things there – but we don’t spend like this all the time. We save for special occasions and make it count.

But most importantly – these things are super awesome!

So in this time where you think about money more often than you probably normally do – remember this – it’s not bad to spend money on high value things that you’ll love, use, and have a great experience with. It’s bad to spend money on dumb shit.

Time is the Most Valuable Thing You Have

This is the hardest lesson, also the best lesson, and if you don’t “get it” unfortunately it can’t really be taught. But it will likely hit you one day, for better or worse.

If you’re astonished about how much I write weekly, or how much work I put out, or how busy I am, or how I get a bunch of things done – whatever it is – this is the reason why.

It can be summed up in cliches

“You only live once!”

“You only get one life to live!”

But reality is different.

My dad’s timer was 49 years long – that’s all he had. He didn’t know that probably until somewhere around 48 1/2 years. I’m sure that when he got his cancer diagnosis, he thought positive and was planning on fighting it. I don’t imagine that he thought for very long that he had around 350 days left.

But, that was the reality of the situation. Sobering, isn’t it?

A large chunk of those 350 days weren’t spent in good health and happiness either – there were plenty of hospital visits, plenty of doctor checkups, and plenty of chemotherapy.

It sucked. For him, and everyone.

Do you think he would’ve done any of those previous 48 years differently if he’d known? I have no doubt.

You think too – that if you find out your time is coming – you’ll drop everything and live your life exactly how you’ve always wanted to live it, everything and everyone be damned right?

Except that’s not reality either. My dad’s responsibilities didn’t just go away. He had a family to support, he had to figure out how we could be taken care of after he was gone, and he had to fight a medical fight that was ultimately futile.

There was not much time or energy to “cross things off the bucket list” so-to-speak.

So how does this incredibly depressing and sobering story apply to you?

A lot.

Don’t work with bad clients – you don’t have time to
Don’t focus on stupid time wasters – you don’t have time to
Stop comparing your success, or lack of it, to others – you don’t have time to
Don’t hold grudges – you don’t have time to
Reconcile with your enemies and family, if possible – you don’t have time not to
Get your ass in gear and fight to do the things you care about – you don’t have time not to
Stop being so afraid and experience life and failure – you don’t have time not to
Make as many great friends as possible and enjoy them – you don’t have time not to
Get rid of your stresses and reasons you procrastinate – you don’t have time not to

You want to know why I’m blunt, honest, to the point, and a bit in your face?

I don’t have time to sugar coat your life for you.

I’m the son of a first generation prostate cancer victim. Prostate cancer affects and kills a tremendous amount of men – and my family had no prior medical history. We have no idea if I’ll be affected or not, and my doctor can promise me nothing.

So more often than not – I get up, even when I don’t want to – and I do the things that are going to result in joy and achievement.

Sure, some days I fail, and some days I need to rest.

But most days, I simply don’t have time to mess around.

You don’t either – even if you’re in perfectly healthy shape. Because nobody is going to just come make your dreams come true for you, and you don’t know when your time is going to be up either.

Give, and Receive

I hope these lessons resonate with you deeply.

If, by chance, you feel motivated to get off your tail and do something now – I’m giving you a chance to do just that until Friday at midnight PST.

From now until then, I’m offering the premium version of my book Quit Aspiring – which is the best advice/manual I can provide on how to prepare yourself for a job in game audio – for just $15.

But you can’t buy it here on my website. Instead, I’m fulfilling a dream I’ve had for years and running a fundraiser for prostate cancer in honor of my late father, in appreciation of all of those lessons.

So, to get the book, you need to take these two steps –

Go to zerocancer.org and make a donation of at minimum $15. If you wish, you can make your donation in memory of my dad, Ken Croft.
Email a copy of your donation receipt to thankyou@adamtcroft.com

A few additional details

I’m sending out each copy manually by hand – so I’ll need your patience, you won’t get an immediate auto-response back.
From now until 12/31, zerocancer.org is matching all donations. So, whatever you donate is automatically doubled.
$15 is the minimum required to get a copy of the book. You can donate less or more as a thank you, if you wish. I’ll be overjoyed with donations of any size.
If you’ve ever desired to support me by “donating” or something – this is the way to do it. I’ll never have a “donate” button on my site, and I don’t use services like Patreon.
If it isn’t clear – I’ll see $0 of this money. It’s all going to the charity, as it should, for prostate cancer research and programs. Don’t worry about “paying me back” monetarily – you’re giving me so much joy even if you only donate $1.

If you have any questions – you need to email me@adamtcroft.com (or reply back to this, if you’re reading it in email). Zerocancer.org is not affiliated with me and has no idea I’m even doing this.

Thank you, so much, for all of your support.